The Pool of Echoes

Funny, but I've been thinking a fair bit about this over the last few days...

Last Saturday, we went to play hockey, which was a lot of fun. At one point, I remember congratulating Steve on a really nice goal, and he looked at me and said, "I don't think you've ever called me Steve."

It was then that I realized that I've changed a lot over the last year or so.

I'm not as antagonistic.

I'm not as judgemental.

It seems easier to get along with most people.

I find myself being more supportive, and less critical.

I've managed to find direction in my life - I'm working on making advancements in my position - both career-wise, and in life in general. I have long-term goals, expectations, desires, and plans.

Really, at the end of the day, there's only one thing that's changed in my life in that span of time.

I'd like to thank her for all the help, love and support she's given me.

I love you.

You know, since the big to-do started amongst my friends with Facebook, I've found myself more and more entrenched in reading up on what's happened to so many people I talked to throughout my life - be it hour-long conversations, passing silly/stupid notes back and forth behind a teacher's back in class in lieu of taking them, or simply a polite "Hello," in the hallway.

Seeing that some people I once knew and shared lunch with have since left my neighbourhood...my city...even my country...just got me to thinking about my life, what I've done with it, who has had an impact on it - be it large or small, and how I may have impacted theirs in return.

How many of you are, at this moment, right where you thought you'd be as of 10 years ago? Not many, I'd bet. Seeing people I used to draw stupid pictures in art class with, and how they've moved on from a ninth grade art class to being fourth year students at ivy-league schools really does make me wonder...if I were to just drop them a line, would they remember me just as I'm remembering them right now? Do they lie awake in their dorm rooms and think about those single chance meetings they had with others through their life as well? Am I thinking about them at the same instant they're thinking about me?

Life really is amazing sometimes...

I just don't know if some of us really stop and think about it, or if we just take it for granted.

If you can spare a minute or two, just think about it.

My take on Windows Vista to follow, for those of you that care...

( Read more... )

Man, I feel good today...

Last night, I told Kim a couple of things I'd been meaning to, and I feel a lot better having done so. I've always been told that the key to a good relationship is honesty, but I think even before that, you need someone you can be honest with. Thankfully, I've never wanted to lie to Kim or found myself reluctant to tell her the truth about things.

So she helped me work out a budget last night, and it looks like it's going to work! I was really worried about Christmas and stuff, but she's helped me get over that fear...funny, in some way, I'm actually starting to look forward to Christmas.

Maybe this year really IS going to be different...I mean, I can think of at least *one* way my life has changed for the better this year...

I love you, baby.

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Okay, to start off, this entry is intended to be brief, but I will not edit it for space allotted.

This entry is to a few attention whoring people that are on my LJ list who've bitched, complained, and just wholly irritated the hell out of me with posts dedicated to bitching that their journal isn't getting commented on. News flash! MAYBE NOBODY CARES!

Fuck, like I give more than a damn about the type of apples you bought today at the supermarket, or that you couldn't watch your favourite TV show because a tornado swept your house away, or that you took a shit that looked, at a glance, like Elvis.

My journal is up here, and I prefaced the entire thing with the words "Whether or not anybody reads it is irrelevent, I'm slowly finding it helps me to read my own thoughts written out." In other words, I really don't give a damn if you read my journal or not...the only real exception are the quizzes/surveys that I put up, because it's kinda cool getting to know things about your friends that you might not have found out otherwise, and it's also kinda cool letting other people on my list see one another's responses, just so they can get an idea of the various kinds of fucked up people I associate with. :P

While this sentiment still holds true, this post is being written just on general principle alone. Give, and receive in kind. If you could give less than a shit about what's on my mind, I could give less than a shit about what the two brain cells in your head produce when, by chance, they bump into one another.

Essentially, stop:
a) Assuming everybody gives/should give a shit about you, and
b) Demanding that they do when it turns out they give about as much of one about you as you do about them.

That is all.

EDIT: You really don't have to bother replying to this post a) out of pity, b) to try and look like you're NOT one of the people in question, or c) argue with me if you're inclined to do so. I'll be able to tell. :P

As stolen from Ross' journal:

Would you:

() go out with me?
() give me your number?
() have sex with me?
() let me kiss you?
() watch a movie with me...even a really sappy one?
() take me out to dinner?
() take me on a moonlit drive?
() take a shower with me?
() be my gf/bf?
() have a fling with me?
() be there for me?
() buy me a drink ?
() take me home for the night?
() Would you let me sleep in your bed?
() sit in the doctors office with me because I didn't want to go alone?
() give me oral?
() re-post this for me to answer your questions?
() give me a piggyback ride?

(Y) = Yes
(N) = No
(M) = Maybe
(*) = Already have
( ) = Choose not to answer

Kick-ass!

So, I got a call from Matt at MDG today, telling me that Ramzey had sent on my resume to him (thanks Ram!), and after a brief Q&A session, he asked if I'd be available to come in on Tuesday at noon! This would be so great for me...though I'm nervous as hell...I really don't want to botch this up, because Ramzey put in a good word for me and everything, and I'm really worried that his credibility may be at stake, to an extent...that in mind, I'm so worried about looking incompetent - I'm rusty with what I *do* know, and damn near clueless about all the newest tech gadgets and stuff out there nowadays...though, dwelling on it, I'm sure that I can learn...I had product knowledge of Summit's entire inventory pretty much wrapped up within a couple of days. ^_^

I probably shouldn't worry.

I'm already working out budgets in my head, and everything else...and I figure that within the first couple of paychecks, I'll be able to take Kim out 'n stuffs! She's such a sweetheart...she REALLY deserves to be spoiled rotten. :)

So, to wrap up, interview on Tuesday at noon, and an interview on Wednesday at 7:00! w00t!

Maybe things aren't quite so bad as I thought they were...

I've been practicing on the guitar like a mofo for the last 3 days or so...it's almost as though with Kim, I've found my soul again.

Who knows.

So, I went over to Marc's for the first time in almost 9 months...Jesus, I just realized that I plausibly could have knocked a girl up and had a kid by now...strange way to try and time things, but. :P

Anyway, aside from a (from my point of view, at least) minute amount of awkwardness at first, things seemed to warm up rather quickly. I really did enjoy myself, and seeing the guys at Marc's again was quite therapeutic in a great many ways...almost as though it was yet another thing that I had(n't) done for Alexa's sake that I'm doing now, on my own two feet. A lot of laughs were had, and my nervousness and anxiety very quickly subsided amongst gales of laughter. At times, it was like I'd never stopped going. :)

It was really hard not going over there...sadly, with Alexa, it's always been a "Yer either wit me or agin' me!" kind of deal. She's not talking to Marc's girlfriend Breanne, and while (some of) her reasons are valid, the method of conflict resolution really leaves much to be desired. I'm all and well for her never speaking to Breanne again, if that's what she truly wishes...where I made the mistake was in trying to be supportive...much in the wrong way. *sighs*

I distanced myself from Breanne, and consequently ended up ostracizing myself from a great many people...REALLY good friends...who really, REALLY didn't deserve that. At least Kim's not trying to coerce me not to go, despite her objections to certain people there.

I got home tonight to an e-mail from her, just telling me that she loves me and missed talking to me tonight and everything else...*sigh*...God, what a sweetheart. I really wish she'd gone, since the people in question weren't there anyway. :P

I'm also fairly certain that everybody there knows about Kim and I...well...I'm not sure whether or not Marc does, but if EVERYBODY else does, then that's merely a matter of time. :P

Ramzey also asked me to send along my resume to him...I think he's going to try and get me in at MDG, which would be REALLY cool...I really want something in my field...and if I got in at the store up there...I'd totally be across the street from Kim. :3

Ramzey and I have been getting closer again, and we've started talking more and more, which has really been nice...I really miss hanging out with him and doing all the stupid shit we used to do...God, how I miss the couch outside, and the memories of the signs we used to look at on the building across the street...Christ, those have achieved a certain amount of immortality in our minds, I'm quite sure...or the people that would walk by...like that one lady who asked us if we could tell her how to get to Avondale because she was on her way to a friend's house when she'd broken her leg (bloody nuisance that is - I hate it when that happens!)...and then proceeded to ask us for a lighter. LOL

They say that people change, and drift apart, but by Christ, it doesn't mean I have to let it happen willingly. :P

As an aside, I'm writing this whilst taking a break after about 4 hours' worth of guitar practice, after which I'll be going back to it again. God, it feels good to have my inspiration back.

So, I had a fair bit to talk about last night, but my internet kicked the crapper at about 4:30am, and I spent about 8 hours sans-internet (sleeping). I was awakened by Mom today, informing me that the internet still wasn't working.

So, quite reluctantly (due to MANY futile calls to them in the past), I call my ISP, and I'm greeted by Brian (which, in this given case, serves as an acronym for "Brain Regularly Impaired of A Notion", I'm quite convinced). Our conversation goes as follows:

Brian: Thank you for calling Cogeco tech support, this is Brian, how can I help you today?
Me: (deciding to be polite, since I know how horrible it can get in a call centre position) Hey Brian, how's it going?
Brian: Not bad, how're you?
Me: Not so bad. Anyway, my internet kicked me offline at about 4:30am, and hasn't let me on since. I'm getting two lights on my modem, but the third one, for the life of it, just won't come on. It's not connecting to your server properly.
Brian: *typing, clicking around* Okay, can I get blah, blah, blah, generic user info?
Me: Sure thing. Blah, blah, blah, my user info.
Brian: Okay, so you say that there's only two lights on on your modem?
Me: *knowing this means that there's a problem with the cable itself* Yep.
Brian: Okay. Are you behind a router?
Me: *reluctantly* ...yes...
Brian: Okay, I need you to unhook the router and connect your computer directly to the modem.
Me: *giving him the benefit of the doubt, since I know this is the first thing to do when troubleshooting, even if the step seems irrelevant* Sure thing. Hang on. *disconnects router and directly wires PC to modem*
Brian: Okay. Now, what I need you to do is *ridiculously emphatically* CLICK STAAART. In the little box, type C...M...
Me: Okay, yeah, I'm at the command prompt.
Brian: Okay. Now. Type I...P...
Me: Okay, according to IPCONFIG, I'm getting an APIPA address (irrelevant whether or not you know what this is, if HE'S doing my tech support, HE should). Obviously my computer can't connect to your server.
Brian: Try typing I...P...C...O...N...F...I...G...press the SPACE BAR...FORWARD SLASH...F...L...U...S...H...D...N...S...
Me: (Right, Brian. Flushing the DNS resolver cache will surely fix this.) Okay, it didn't do anything.
Brian: Okay. That means your network card probably isn't working.
Me: *starting to get a bit impatient* I can access every other computer on my network.
Brian: Okay. Maybe it's a problem with the router.
Me: Brian, the router isn't plugged in. Remember? You had me wire the computer directly to the modem?
Brian: Oh. Yeah. Well...uhh...I could have a technician come out to look at it...? If it's not a problem with our hardware, he may end up charging you.
Me: *groan*...how much?
Brian: I'm not sure. You know, you could always try calling in a technician yourself.
Me: I *AM* a technician. I just called you because I was hoping I wouldn't have to bother myself with it, since that's what YOU'RE paid to do.
Brian: Well...umm...you could try calling us back if you don't figure it out...?
Me: Yeah, okay. I'll keep that in mind. *click*


Sure enough, it turns out that there's a short in the cable running from outside to my modem. Cut, splice, crimp, done. 15 minute job turned into a 45 minute ordeal.

Thanks, Brian. I hope you read this, you fuck.

Fuck, and to think...Cogeco turned ME down because I didn't have adequate experience.

*sigh*

Okay, I'm bored, so I thought I'd add a new entry with a game of sorts...I'm sure most bloggers and people with experience on forums or message boards will know this one, but for those who don't...

All you simply do is answer the previous question, and post an "A or B" question of your own. :)

I'll start, since it's my damn journal. :P

Better sing-along music: Beatles or Beach Boys?

Job interview next week at The Bay at Limeridge.

Thanks, I appreciate the prompt reply to my last entry. :)

Unfortunately, I'm a bit too tired to be the least bit excited about much anything at the moment. I'm pretty sure that even if Ed McMahon showed up with the Publishers' Clearing House, I'd ask if he could come by with the cheque in a couple hours or so. :P

They asked me to bring in two achievements - one professional, one personal...and be prepared to discuss both.

What a curiously unorthodox request.

I wonder what I'll do.

Do things happen for a reason?

As of late, I'm beginning to believe more and more that they do. Despite my qualifications, experience, and references, I can't for the life of me get (or keep) a job in the IT/computer field. Last interview I was at, I ended up hearing from one of the supervisors there that I would have been their first pick...had the hiring manager not had a couple of people they wanted to get in first. He said if it was any consolation, if they'd been going on a strictly professional basis, I'd have been the first one hired. Whoo, yay.

Losing my job has done a lot to fuck with my head...I was on Cloud 9 working for them, I did a great job, had problems solved in little to no time...I had no problems putting in overtime when necessary...I was even under review for a raise in pay when I was called into the office on a Friday. At 4:57 PM. And told that they'd just received a fax from the head office in Quebec that they were downsizing their Hamilton branch by seniority. So, since I was one of the most recent ones hired, I was one of the first laid off. First in, last out, for all the sense that makes. Why a company would lay off their IT department first, I can't understand for the life of me. Oh well.

As somebody who likes a rational and concise explanation, accompanied by a conclusive answer for things, being inexplicably laid off 3 minutes before the end of my shift at the end of the week without even seeing it coming has done a lot to me, my sense of confidence, and reality, really...what made it most painful was that 3 days prior, the branch manager had told me I was under review for a raise. With such great news, I'd never have thought I'd be losing my job in 3 days' time. So, with that in mind, I went to HMV and blew over $500 on DVDs, and even bought dinner for the family to celebrate. That REALLY hurt. >_<

I've taken to applying around to ANYTHING now...I just need the damn money. I can't afford to be choosy or selective about where I work anymore...*sighs*...I'm really happy that Kim doesn't care where I work, and that I don't have to feel embarrassed or ashamed about having to work at a restaurant or gas station if that's what it takes until I get back on my own two feet. She's such a dear.

I just can't figure it out...I have about $4,500 worth of certification alone to my name. I have references that own their own companies, are managers and executives for other companies, and I even have the manager of the Active Directory Design and Development Team at Microsoft Canada as a reference on my resume. What the hell am I doing wrong here? I know my shit, and I have the experience and people to back up my claims.

Am I not supposed to be in computers or something? Am I meant to be doing something else? If so, what the HELL am I supposed to be doing? I wish I'd just get a sign from someone or something already.

Hindsight is 20/20.

Christ, give me something to work with already.

What do you want from me?

As an aside, I've been listening to various tracks that I've saved from Guitar War ( http://www.guitarwar.com ). I really miss those guys, and despite my claims not to come back until the new year, I may be back sooner...if I can find a damn job... :(

So, I called The Peghead again today...the lady who answered said that the manager is off sick...hopefully he'll be there soon...it gets harder to call again with every phone call... XD

So my friend Kyle was talking to me about music prep...he's a music teacher, and he's currently enrolled at Mohawk for music...he's given me several avenues that I can look at taking, musically...a lot to take in...so I figure I'll keep at the practice, and save what I can until I know what I want to do...then I'll have the skill and the funding to go along with it. :)

Kim's coming over at some point today...she said around 4-5...it'll be kinda nice to hang out with her. :)

Anyway...that's about it. Laundry's presumably done, so I've gotta go look into that, wrap up what I'm practicing, and get ready for when Kim shows up...I feel like a total bum right now. :p

Peace.

Alright, what with it being 5:00 in the morning, and me not being the least bit tired, I've decided to start making up a wishlist! Yay!

I've gone ahead and made this a public entry because, hell, why would I want to limit this incredible opportunity to my friends?! This just goes to show how much I care about EVERYBODY. An equal opportunity environment is what I try to promote here.

Anyone who loves me can display such through material goods! T'is the season!

Carvin StudioMate mixer
http://www.carvin.com/products/single.php?ItemNumber=sm162

Ibanez JEM77B (Rock Mirror)
http://www.ibanez.co.jp/world/products/eg/page/JEM77B_RMR_a_e_u.html

Carvin DC400 series Electric Guitar
http://www.carvin.com/products/guitar.php?ItemNumber=DC400

with the following options (option codes listed for additional convenience - after all, it's the least I can do):

DC400C - Floyd Rose Tremolo
LN - Floyd Rose Locking Nut
BC - Black Chrome Plated Hardware
SL - Dunlop Strap Locks

H22T Bridge Pickup
H22N Neck Pickup

5K - 5 Piece Koa Neck w/ Two Maple Stripes

QTR4 - Crimson Red on Quilted Maple

With HC11 (ABS plastic case)
--------------------------------------------------------------

Well, that's about it...I estimate the Carvin at about $1600 (which, mind you, includes shipping! :O ), so whoever buys me THAT loves me the most, with the Ibanez coming in second, and the mixer coming in third. Mind you, you can buy me either of the two guitars, even if someone else has already bought me one, and I will love you equally. However, buy me a second mixer, and you'll get slapped. I don't need two mixers - that's just silly.

Also, I could add some more items I'd like, but it'd just be going overboard...however...should you think going overboard is okay...

POD XP PRO Tone Modeller
http://line6.com/podxtpro/US/

Dunlop Crybaby Wah Pedal
http://www.jimdunlop.com/products/electronics/crybaby/products/gcb95/

...I think that's about it...for now... :p

And now, a haiku which I so lovingly call "Ode to Being Sick".

Cough, cough, hack, hack, wheeze.
The sound of death in the air,
Keel o'er, crash, and croak.

Found this on a friend's LJ, so I thought I'd take the quiz myself. I'm Ness! Whoo!


Find out which EarthBound character YOU are by clicking on the picture!

Quiz by d`Jeu

LOL, I never realized how much time I spend talking to some friends (one in particular) until they're not around for an extended period of time.

I need a hobby. XD

These are totally the most disgusting Cheetos in history.

Yuck.

*munch, munch*

I'm getting a stomachache here. Seriously.

But I paid for them.

So by God, I'll eat the fucking things, if it's the last thing I do.

So. Yikes.

Alexa just came and picked up her things from my house...I was kind of hoping to see her and let her know that I didn't want to discontinue any sort of potential friendship or anything...but my brother answered the door, she got her stuff from the hutch in the front hallway, and left before I could get to the top of the stairs. :-/

Christ, this new relationship of mine feels like such an uphill battle...mom was kind enough to tell me that she certainly hoped I wasn't counting on them to disassociate themselves with Alexa or her mom, which made me feel about 10 times worse...as though I'd made the wrong decision, and that was her way of expressing disappointment in me. Chris, however, is happy that I did the right thing for myself, and seems to think that this new girl is much more suited to me.

Mom has a wonderful knack of saying things which she thinks are helpful, only to make the situation far worse than it would have been, had she said nothing at all. Christ, sometimes I wish people would keep their mouths shut if they're not entirely sure of what they should be saying. :-/

I love this new girl with all my heart, and, well, stuff anyone who doesn't approve. She knows who she is. ;)

Alright. I lied.

"loath" should be "loathe" in that previous post.


That is all.